


The Devil Inside Us

by DeathTrapDaisy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Possession, Angelic Possession, Angst, Consensual Possession, Depictions of violence warning for attempted suicide and some wounds, Depression, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Nick Has Issues, Nick is Suicidal and Depressed, PTSD kind of, Season/Series 12 Speculation, Shared experiences, Suicide Attempt, not very graphic though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 05:58:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9643535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathTrapDaisy/pseuds/DeathTrapDaisy
Summary: Sam's world is turned upside down when Nick, the devil's first vessel, comes to him for help.  They butt heads about what it means to be Lucifer's vessel; but really, Sam is all Nick has left in the world, now that his angel is caged once again. Will they ever see eye-to-eye? if so, what does that mean for team free will?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This has been rolling around in my head for a while, i thought it was really strange so i never posted it but i figured why not?

Sam was in the living room doing some research on a case, Dean was off somewhere probably drinking or eating pie when he heard a heavy knock on the bunker door. He flinched closing the laptop.   
"Dean! You hear that?" No reply, Sam sighed in frustration and heard another set of heavy knocks. Getting up he grabbed his pistol off the table he was sitting at and tucked it in the back of his jeans. Cautiously he made his way up the stairs and opened the door. It was late and raining lightly, the man he met made his breath punch out of his lungs as he stood there dumbfounded and frozen.   
"Sam - please help!" Lucifer stumbled with one hand over his side Sam just noticed the dark blood flowing from between his fingers and the hollow eyes that considered his.   
"Lucifer, it can’t be." He gasped and the other shook his head.   
"No, no Sam it's Nick. Lucifer is.... he's gone." He looked mournful by the news which only puzzled Sam more. "I'm his – was, his vessel." Sam reached out helping him in and slamming the bunker door behind them as he wrapped his arm around the others waist to bring him down the steps.  
"What happened I thought, well I figured you were dead?" Groaning Nick stumbled against Sam.   
"I was found in Detroit half dead, the last thing I remember is him leaving me to go into you." Sam helped him lay down on the couch once they got to the bottom floor then bolted for the kitchen to get the first aid kit then sat on the coffee table facing the couch.   
"What happened to you?" He asked and moved Nick’s bloody hands from his stomach to cut his plain green T-shirt open where he found a series of knife slashes across his chest and stomach.   
"Demons, they- ah!" He cringed in pain, judging by the blood coating his clothes and skin he had lost a lot of it.   
"Here just hang in there I'll take care of this." Nick nodded groggily until his eyes slowly shut. “C’mon, hang on.” Sam pat his cheek but he had already passed out from exhaustion or pain Sam couldn't tell which.   
"What's all the ruckus?" Dean griped when he entered the room taking half a step back when he saw who was laying on the couch getting stitches by his brother. "what the hell is that son of a bitch doing here?" Sam held up a bloody hand to keep Dean back.   
"It's not Lucifer, it's Nick." Dean still seemed suspicious but a little less hostile.   
“His meat suit?” Sam nodded. "Yeah or that's just what he's saying." He grumbled and Sam wiped at his sweating forehead with his forearm.   
"Maybe Cas can tell." Dean pulled out his cell phone and called; Cas was out of the bunker and it would take him a while to get there in his car, at least a few hours.   
"He might be dead by then." Sam said sadly when Dean came back to stand beside him.   
"Well let me help, we need to stop the bleeding and make sure he still has a pulse." Begrudgingly Dean helped to clean him up, once done wrapping him in bandages and moved him into one of the empty rooms. Dean left to clean up the mess and take a shower. Sam sat with Nick for a few hours making sure he was still hanging in there, eventually he sat up in a panic breathing hard. Without thinking Sam grabbed his hand.   
"Hey you're okay, lay back." Nick stared blurry eyed and eventually eased down into the bed. "you want to tell me what happened now?" Nick nodded his hand trembled in Sam's and they mutually ignored the intimate gesture for now.   
"But first is Lucifer -did we win?" Sam frowned and realized how much he needed to be brought up on.   
"No, he’s back in the cage." Nick frowned heavily and his eyes got a little damp.   
"Do you think he's dead?" Sam swallowed.   
"I don't know. I'm sorry I just don't know." Nick nodded.   
"I was in a coma after he left me, I only woke up a few days ago. I knew if I could get to you. You could help, you deal with stuff like this right?" Sam nodded.   
"Yeah. Do you have a family? Friends?" Nick's brows furrowed as if just remembering something.   
"Lucifer was all the family I had." Sam frowned, he couldn't understand this; Lucifer had haunted him for so many years, his dreams then his life when he came back he couldn't be happier if he never saw him again.   
"You act like you cared for him." Nick looked surprised.   
"Of course I - I love him. He saved me." Sam looked back shocked this time.   
"He's the Devil." Nick smiled slowly.   
"Not to me." Sam sighed and Nick closed his eyes again and winced his hand moving to hold onto his side.   
"I sewed you up but it's going to take you some time to heal." Nick nodded and tried to breath shallowly as to not hurt too much.   
"I can never leave here can I?" Sam's shoulders slouched.   
"Honestly you were the devil's vessel. Every hunter, demon and angel will be after you maybe if we can teach you how to defend yourself but I don't think it's a good idea."   
"Thank you for taking care of me Sam. I knew you would, Lucifer thought so highly of you, you're the only one we trust." Sam stiffened and finally pulled his hand free from the other man.   
"Get some rest." Nick slowly closed his eyes and it wasn't long until he was back asleep.   
X  
Nick woke to a hand on his forehead and sat up quickly. He didn't feel any more pain and there was a dark haired man in a trench coat standing over him, Sam and Dean beside the bed.   
"You're fully recovered now." He said gruffly and Nick blinked in confusion at the room. "May we have a word Sam?" Cas asked roughly and Sam nodded leaving the room with the angel and his brother, Nick pulling his shirt up to inspect his stomach which was indeed back to normal.   
"What do you plan on doing with him Sam?" Dean asked and Sam sighed heavily.   
"He's just a guy Dean, he was attacked by demons what do you want me to do?" Dean and Cas shared a look. "if we send him out on his way they'll torture him and he'll talk. He knows too much." Begrudgingly Dean agreed and sipped his beer.   
"He's got a point but he still creeps me out." Sam shrugged his shoulders.   
"Yeah me too, every time I look at him all I see is Lucifer but that doesn't mean it's okay to throw him to the wolves."   
"Fine, maybe we can figure something else out but until then he can stay here." They turned when the room door opened slowly and Nick stared out at them.   
"I have nowhere else to go, I know you don’t like me but please, I knew I could trust you to do the right thing." Dean bristled and Sam tried to stop him but couldn't.   
"You said yes to the devil and through you he killed hundreds of people, or more. So excuse me that I'm not crying because you got sliced up a little." Nick looked down ashamed and Sam rubbed his eyes in frustration.   
"Come on, let's get some food." Sam pulled Nick along with him and sat him down at the table, Cas and Dean were still arguing about something down the hall but Sam just ignored them.   
"I'm sorry I didn't think I would make you fight with your brother."   
"Don't worry about it, we fight all the time anyways." Sam started making him a sandwich and Nick just stared at the table.   
"Do you think he'll ever come back?" Sam sighed.   
"I don't know."   
"I just wish I could have been enough. He needed you though, I would've followed him into hell." Sam slammed the plate in front of him which he dug into almost immediately.   
"You don't know what you're talking about." Nick sensed the offense in the taller man's voice and looked up to meet his eyes.   
"What's wrong?" Sam's jaw tensed and he took a second to calm down.   
"I'm the one that put him in the cage, I was stuck down there with him and Michael while they tortured me and each other. My soul was gone for over a year. So, you don’t know what you're talking about." Nick was taken aback and just holding his sandwich and staring at Sam who pulled his chair out and sat down.   
"I'm sorry I didn't know-."   
"Every time I look at you I see him." The hatred in Sam's eyes made Nick curl into himself just a little. "I hate him." Nick stared at the table while Sam dug into his own sandwich a little angrily and Nick slowly stood up taking his food and locking himself in his room.   
X  
Nick intentionally avoided Sam after that, wandering the bunker when he needed food or something to drink and tried not to bother his brother either because Dean hated him just as much as Lucifer so he kept to himself. When the brothers would leave, they left the angel; Castiel, to watch over him, he seemed indifferent to him and that was a little better since he’d mostly keep to himself and watch Netfilx. It had been about a week since they took him in, Nick was laying on the bed reading something he had taken from the library when someone was knocking on his door. He moved up until he was sitting up in bed and waited, there was another knock.   
"It's Sam, can I come in?" Nick softened and got up to open the door, and step back for him to enter. "Here I got you some food." He handed him a brown bag with a cheeseburger and fries.   
"Thanks." Nick sat on the bed and dug into the food and noticed Sam just staring at him while he ate. He knew he saw Lucifer or some human version of him and he didn't know how to change that.   
"There were times in the cage that Lucifer was – well, not awful. Sometimes he would sing to me when Michael was done having his fun. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I understand." Nick was staring up at him mouth full of food and eyes full of curiosity. Swallowing he nodded.   
"Will you tell me about it?" The look in his eyes reminded him more of Lucifer than anything thus far and something in Sam's chest tightened but he lowered himself to sit beside him on the bed getting out his salad to eat next to him.   
"I don't remember much, just pieces. I know he was destroyed when we woke in the cage. Michael was also furious, they fought for I don't know how long." Sam flinched when finger tips brushed some hair behind his ear the gesture eerily familiar. Sam caught himself easing into the touch though he tried not to. When he turned to meet the others eyes Nick pulled his hand away like it burned.   
"I- I'm sorry." Sam just smiled softly.   
"It's okay." They ate in relative silence after that; Nick was quiet, shy and very solemn. He was nothing like Lucifer, the drama queen always joking and striving for attention. Nick was funny, just the quiet dry type of funny. Sam found himself easily falling into a friendship with him it was easier when he stopped talking about Lucifer. Nick often times cleaned up the bunker and started making meals for everyone, he'd pick up trash and answer phones. They never let him out though it was just too dangerous, it got where Sam and Dean could go on hunts and not have Cas babysit him when they weren't there.   
X  
Nick turned his attention up from the stove when he heard Sam shuffle into the room, he couldn’t help but hide a smile at the sleepy hunter who waved at him absentmindedly.  
“Morning,” he mumbled and stood next to him to make some coffee realizing that the pot was already full with a fresh batch, groggily he turned to whatever was on the stove to see Nick making a mountain of scrambled eggs. “thank you for making breakfast.”   
“You’re welcome.” Sam filled his mug with coffee skipping the cream and sugar to gulp it down, he put it down and grabbed the pancake mix and the bowl to help out. “You don’t have to do that.” He interjected but Sam smiled pouring the mix.  
“I don’t mind.” They worked side by side in companionable silence, Nick sidestepping a little so Sam could use the other section of the stove for pancakes, usually Dean is the better cook of the brothers but Sam can handle himself. “thanks for taking care of us.” Nick looked puzzled but stared at Sam ignoring the eggs sticking to the bottom of the pan.   
“You take care of me.” The younger man smiled elbowed him lightly.   
“Trust me, home cooked meals are the best thanks you could give us.” Nick smiled before he opened and closed his mouth, he wanted to tell him how much he appreciated everything, how Sam had been the only thing in his life since Lucifer that made his life worth living  
“Sam, I-“   
“Aye, I smell breakfast.” Dean declared as he entered the room, they both turned to look at him before Nick turned back to the stove to continue stirring as the bacon sizzled in the one adjacent and Sam flipped another pancake onto a plate.  
“Good morning.” Nick mumbled and Dean just scoffed at him grabbing a mug for coffee, Sam smiled apologetically to the other man but Nick just lowered his head and focused on cooking.  
X  
“Nick?” Sam wandered down the hallway calling after him, he hadn’t heard from him all day. It was strange, he usually at least saw him sneak into the kitchen every once in a while to get a snack but nothing. Dean and Cas went out to get burgers and Sam decided he’d stay and try to find him. “Nick, Dean and Cas are getting dinner, would you like somet-“ breath caught in his chest when he knocked and opened the door a moment later seeing him unconscious on his bed, blood was coating his shirt and the covers and Sam’s body ran cold at the sight. “Nick!” he yelled and busted into the room, he grabbed his chin and shook him gently but got nothing in return. Sam searched for the source of the blood until he found the slits in his wrists. “Oh god, no… c’mon, Nick!” he scrambled to stop the bleeding and ran into the next room to get bandages to hold him together, once the bleeding stopped Sam just sat next to him on the bed propping his hands up to lessen the blood flow. “Nick can you hear me?” he asked cupping his cheek in his palm, surprised to feel tears trickle down his cheeks. “Nick?” the man in question grumbled his watery eyes sliding opened to stare back at Sam.  
“Sam?” Sam let out a breath of relief moving the pillows to support his head. “You weren’t supposed to find me.” He whispered quietly and to Sam’s dismay he felt a warm tear fall from his own cheek.  
“What were you thinking?” he scolded and Nick closed his eyes. “Hey c’mon stay awake.” He pat his cheek a little rougher this time and Nick’s eyes fluttered back open.   
“I can’t do it anymore Sam.” He shook his head at him. “I just want the pain to stop.” Sam moved to hold his hands.  
“Listen to me, there’s another way. It doesn’t have to end like this.” He moved to lay next to the other man, not caring much about the blood staining his clothes until Nick was curled up against Sam’s chest. Luckily the bleeding had come to a stop, Sam had gotten to him just in time.  
“Sam,” he shushed him and held him tight against his him.  
“Don’t talk, just rest.”  
X  
A few weeks passed after that and Sam hadn’t brought up what happened since. He did however, ask Cas to start looking out for Nick again when they weren’t around.  
"How'd it go?" Nick asked when the boys came back from chasing down some vamps, he had cooked them dinner when they called in saying they were on the way back. Sam called him every night to make sure he was okay, neither told anyone about the incident that had happened a few weeks prior. Sam wanted to just to get him the help he needed but Nick couldn’t stand the idea of them knowing how weak he felt sometimes.  
"Don't get me started." Dean grumbled throwing his bag on the couch, Nick immediately handed him a cold beer. Dean eyed him and Sam but didn't say anything, Sam sat next to his brother and was greeted with a beer as well.   
"I made us some dinner if you're hungry unless you just want to rest for a minute." Sam smiled and Nick waited in anticipation.   
"I'm starving." Sam piped in when he realized Dean wouldn’t, and Nick went into the kitchen coming back with two plates of food. He had made steak, potatoes and mac-n-cheese. The brothers ate heartily starving after a long trip home. Nick disappeared into the other room; he tried not to hang around and be a nuisance, he knew he was only there thanks to their good will and didn't want to press his luck. After a while he looked through the door to see them finishing up, now was his chance. He brought in two more plates and set them on the table in front of them, Dean stared at the pie on his plate and thought his eyes were playing tricks.   
"It's cherry, I noticed you like pie. It was my wife's recipe." Nick watched with bated breath as Dean took his first bite, he knew if he could win over the oldest Winchester they would let him stay. Castiel didn't seem to mind him and Sam seemed to like him a little. Dean chewed thoughtfully before he grinned.   
"This is the best pie I've had in a real long time." Nick looked relieved turning to Sam who looked impressed before he grabbed the dirty plates and left the room.  
x  
Nick cleaned up after them when they had left, he assumed they had gone to bed or went to take showers but he didn't ask. He made himself scarce by going into the library and reading some more about lore and how to hide from demons in case he ever does get kicked out on his own. He spent a while there before he went to get a change of clothes and head to the showers, he knocked on the door and after a moment it opened. Sam was standing there in a towel, wet hair slicked back and smiled shyly at him.   
"I'm sorry I didn't realize you were still up." Nick looked at the ground.  
"No problem done now." He was about to push past him and go down the hallway to his room but stopped at the last moment. "Nick?" The man in question looked up. "why did you make the pie?" The shorter man was taken aback by the question and hugged his clothes closer to his chest.   
"I just thought Dean would like it." Sam deflated and this left Nick confused.   
"Dean huh? Figures." He rolled his eyes and Nick thought he wasn't meant to hear that but he did.   
"What do you mean?" Sam bristled and moved closer crowding him against the wall.   
"I thought you - never mind, it was dumb to think you'd like me. After everything," Nick's chest tightened and he smiled slowly, Sam thought that was likely the first time he'd ever seen one from him.   
"I do like you Sam."  
"Then why.." Sam was puzzled and Nick looked down at his feet again.   
"I thought if Dean liked me better he'd let me stay longer, you're the only person in my life Sam. I don't have friends I stay here all the time I don't know what I'd do without you." Sam seemed relieved, his fingers moved up to trace the line of his jaw lifting up until he met blue eyes. Flashes of Lucifer in hell passed through Sam's mind, when he caressed his cheek, when he’d hit him and the hatred which burned in those eyes that once looked at him with empathy and understanding. He pulled away surprised by the revelation and what exactly he’d been pushing deep inside for so long, lying to himself and to Dean about the fact he didn’t hate Lucifer, not really. He hated what Lucifer represented, the darkness that had been in himself all along.  
"I-I'm sorry I just can't." Sam practically bolted down the hallway and into his room. Nick watched him go and felt his stomach drop.   
X  
Nick had been laying in bed awake, he couldn't make sense of it either. Maybe he had fallen for Sam the past few months while in the bunker, maybe it was before when he looked through the eyes of Lucifer and his affection somehow seeped through but Nick knew one thing for sure. He couldn't be without Lucifer and Sam; he had never felt so whole before. His eyes drifted shut and his heart was heavy, he was almost asleep when he heard his bedroom door open. He turned to look and in the dim lighting he saw Sam quietly walk in and sit on the edge of his bed.   
"Sam?" He moved to sit up against the head board and Sam turned to look at him.   
"When I see you I see him, I can't make it go away, I can't ignore it. I hate him and sometimes I think I hate you; but sometimes, it's like when I'm with you I'm finally home. When I'm with you there's someone who understands what it’s like." He moved to sit on the edge of the bed and Nick sat up where their faces were only inches apart, he waited with bated breath until Sam reached out taking Nick's hand rubbing his thumb over the back of his knuckles.   
"Sam." Nick breathed and squeezed his hand in return. “I can’t lose you too." Something broke in him and Sam moved closer capturing the other man's lips in a kiss, Nick cupped his face in his hands. Hesitant lips moved together, Sam's tongue sliding against the slot of his mouth which Nick slowly opened to him. Sam deepened the kiss his hands moving to wrap around the other man’s hips where the blanket had fallen and bunched.   
"Sam." He breathed, brushing some hair behind his ear and Sam moved in for another kiss. Sam battled for dominance and Nick let him in without a fight, he moved back for a breath just to tug his blanket off and toss it to the side. To which Sam moved back in, his hands wrapped around the others hips and tugged him closer. Sam moved until he was sitting completely on the bed and the blonde opened his legs so they were rested on either side of the younger man while their lips and tongues explored one another. Nick pulled him while laying back until he was resting between his opened knees. Sam's lips moved down to the bend of his neck and his hands beneath his cotton t shirt before pulling it off over his head, Sam pulled back tugging off Nick's pants who lifted his hips so they could slide off. Sam's eyes travelled the half-naked body before him and somehow it was familiar like he's done this a million times, maybe he has. Nick tugged at Sam's pants who pulled back and stood long enough to pull his jeans down and kick off his shoes, Nick followed him until he was sitting up and watched in amazement as he pulled his shirt off over his head and tossed it to the floor. Hesitantly Nick reached out taking Sam’s hand and lead him back down where he crawled up his body and their lips met in a hungry kiss. Nick ran his hands carefully over strong arms marred with scars, then settled on his hips. Pulling at his boxers for permission Nick gasped and pulled out of the kiss.   
“Take these off.” He breathed and though it was a command it sounded more like a question, Sam lifted his hips and shimmied out of his underwear wordlessly then moved to remove the others who bowed his back and lifted his hips from the bed, his cheeks were blushed bashfully and his lip caught between his teeth with a full body tremble. Sam smiled once the garment was discarded and he traced the v of his hips with his fingertips and a soft smile.  
“Don’t be nervous.” He cooed softly and Nick let out a shaky breath.  
“I’ve never done this before.” Sam pecked him on the corner of his mouth his thumb running up the underside of the others hard cock who gasped surprised.  
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” He whispered softly kissing him again under the jaw.  
“I know.” Sam wrapped his arms around him and Nick hooked his knees over Sam’s back when he started rolling his hips against the others. Nick let out quiet whimpers and bit his lip to keep quiet. Sam squeezed them both in his large palm, it was all so fast. “Sam!” he squeaked when his back flexed in surprise at the sensations, he’d been a vessel, in a coma and a demons hostage since the last time he felt anything like this.  
“I’ve got you.” Sam kissed and nipped at his lips as they moved together until they were both at the brink. Nick was trembling with his orgasm before he knew what happened and Sam came not long after that thanks to the look of adoration and shocked bliss in the other’s eyes. They stared at each other, Nick's hair disheveled and a bashfulness Sam had never seen on that face before. They caught their breath between sloppy kisses until Sam moved away to roll next to him and pulled him until they were facing each other.   
"If he comes back you can't say yes again." Sam whispered and Nick looked surprised by that.   
"He's gone Sam."  
"Promise me you won't let him in." Nick swallowed hard, Sam searched his eyes deeply and Nick broke contact.   
"I can't make that promise Sam, I'm not like you." Sam tensed glaring at him and gripping him a little too hard by the arms.   
"If you say yes Dean and I will have to hunt you down. Trust me you don't wanna go to the cage with him. It's not gonna be how you think." Nick shuddered brushing his fingers through his hair.   
"Oh Sam, you don’t know him at all." Sam felt his heart breaking, he couldn't look into those eyes, the eyes he'd grown to love as a friend and more. He couldn't see those eyes ice over, become something else.   
"Like I said you don't know what you're talking about." Sam dropped it for now closing his eyes, he pressed his forehead against Nick's and they eventually fell into a deep sleep.   
X  
Sam woke to the gentle caress of lips against the underside of his jaw, he smiled slowly tightening the hold he had around the blonde’s shoulders.  
“Good morning,” Sam mumbled and the other pushed until his was halfway on top of him kissing his neck down to his collar bone.  
“Morning,” Sam ran his fingers through the soft hair of his lover who traveled down his body with kisses until he disappeared underneath the blankets. Sam gasped surprised, when a hot, wet, heat enveloped his already hard cock.  
“Nicckk,” he hummed hands staying in his hair as his hips subtly rolled up, the door flung open.  
“Waky, waky!” Dean hollered as he looked in, Sam and Nick both shocked and embarrassed trying to hide what was happening but immediately Dean figured out what was going on and practically bolted from the room slamming the door. “Damnit man, hang a sock on the door or something!” It took about a week before Dean could look either of them in the eyes again but the subject was never once brought up, not even when Nick became an all year-round hunter and him and Sam started booking their own rooms. I’d like to think Cas didn’t mind the arrangement cause now, he was stuck with the oldest Winchester. That was something he’d happily live with.

The end.


End file.
